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So let's celebrate with studly men extolling the virtues of... the written word and libraries!
The actual Old Spice dude:
The actual Old Spice dude:
And a parody:
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Monday, March 19th is Bruce Willis' 57th birthday... and given his status as a kick-ass, get-it-done kind of guy among librarians (sort of a librarian's librarian), we couldn't let it pass without a proper tribute. So here are just a few reasons why we love and emulate Bruce... that excellent bald man with the smirk... followed by a tasty compilation of the man-of-action in action.
The incomparable smirk... then... and now... whether with hair or without... it just reeks: "Shelve this, baby!"
Because a librarian will do what it takes: "Sorry, baby, but I had to crash that Honda...." as Butch Coolidge Pulp Fiction (1994)
Because a librarian always has a back-up plan -- when one resource fails, we always have another: "And this is the best that you c - that the-the government, the U.S. government can come up with? I mean, you-you're NASA for cryin' out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You-you're the guys that think this sh-t up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking sh-t up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?" as Harry Stamper Armageddon (1998)
Because a librarian always has a back-up plan -- when one resource fails, we always have another: "And this is the best that you c - that the-the government, the U.S. government can come up with? I mean, you-you're NASA for cryin' out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You-you're the guys that think this sh-t up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking sh-t up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?" as Harry Stamper Armageddon (1998)
None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
Because librarians always maintain their cool under the most trying circumstances: “Play some rap music” as Joe Hallenbeck (context: Willis is held captive and mocked by bad-guy-in-chief Milo, who threatens him with a knife and chortles about wanting to hear Willis scream. But Bruce just wants to hear some gangsta tracks. BAD ASS with capitals! The Last Boy Scout (1991)
What you lookin' at? Bruce and Damon Wayans
Because, contrary to popular belief, librarians do have a sense of humor: “Now
I have a machine gun, HO HO HO”-- Hans Gruber reading John McClane's joke written in blood across a dead man's chest, Die Hard (1988)
Because librarians do wear sensible shoes (to work, anyway): "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister." as John McClane Die Hard (1988)
Because librarians answer the same questions, day after day after day, with a smile: "Oh man, I can't f---ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same sh--t happen to the same guy twice?" as John McClane Die Hard 2 (1990)
I have a machine gun, HO HO HO”-- Hans Gruber reading John McClane's joke written in blood across a dead man's chest, Die Hard (1988)
Because librarians do wear sensible shoes (to work, anyway): "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister." as John McClane Die Hard (1988)
Because librarians answer the same questions, day after day after day, with a smile: "Oh man, I can't f---ing believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same sh--t happen to the same guy twice?" as John McClane Die Hard 2 (1990)
"The Whole Ten Yards" / Jimmy Tudeski 2004 - "No. This is how a retired mass murderer acts when people show up uninvited."
Because this is what a librarian says when FBI agents ask for a patron checkout history: “This is the ’90s. You don’t just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first” (and have a subpoena) as Joe Hallenbeck, The Last Boy Scout (1991)
Because librarians understand the pure joy derived from helping our patrons solve problems (whether or nor they involve the use of a machine gun): “Yippee ki-yay mother!@#$%&!r” (If you’re looking for instruction as to how to be a good guy, I suggest John McClane as the ultimate mentor. Basic human kindness and wanton destruction are not necessarily mutually exclusive. By studying him, you come to understand that you can do anything, even run through broken glass without shoes, and that a smart-alek attitude will get you everywhere, especially if you’re dispatching terrorists left and right while cursing like a sailor.) as John McClane, Die Hard (1988)
Because librarians understand the pure joy derived from helping our patrons solve problems (whether or nor they involve the use of a machine gun): “Yippee ki-yay mother!@#$%&!r” (If you’re looking for instruction as to how to be a good guy, I suggest John McClane as the ultimate mentor. Basic human kindness and wanton destruction are not necessarily mutually exclusive. By studying him, you come to understand that you can do anything, even run through broken glass without shoes, and that a smart-alek attitude will get you everywhere, especially if you’re dispatching terrorists left and right while cursing like a sailor.) as John McClane, Die Hard (1988)
In a tight spot... but we know he will find a way out of it... because he thinks like a librarian!
So, happy birthday, Bruce! Feel free to turn in those books late.
Just this once. ;-)
Video runs a bit long -- but hey, it's Bruce!
Just this once. ;-)
Video runs a bit long -- but hey, it's Bruce!
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Same DNA, but born this way...
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Happens to the best of us...
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Personally, I am all for cookies in the library...especially freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies...and maybe some nice iced sugar cookies...and why not oatmeal raisin...and snickerdoodles...and peanut butter blossoms?!?!?!?
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From the clever, slightly cracked folks at XKCD:
Here's another one:
Don't expect any leniency on late fees, though.
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It's been a long week...
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Why did the librarian slip on the library floor?
It was the non-friction section.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"
Announcing the New Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge Device, Otherwise Known as the BOOK!
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere--even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The book may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session--even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, an many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus...
Thank you to IFLANET for borrowing privileges!
It was the non-friction section.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"
Announcing the New Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge Device, Otherwise Known as the BOOK!
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere--even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The book may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session--even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, an many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus...
Thank you to IFLANET for borrowing privileges!