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This is one of those satires that I wish I had written... but I am happy to present it for your amusement... and acknowledge another's talent: Cracked.com
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Happy birthday, Wilhelm Carl Grimm (1786-1859), the younger of the Grimm brothers, who traveled throughout their native Germany, collecting oral folklore and compiling it into several volumes entitled Children’s and Household Tales, or more colloquially as Grimms’ Fairy Tales.
The original tales were rather bloody and gruesome (some might say, grim), but when the brothers discovered that children were reading them, they softened them up a bit (the term “a bit” being relative, for in their version of Cinderella, called “Ashputtel,” the jealous stepsisters cut off their toes in an attempt to force their feet to fit the special shoe).
The original tales were rather bloody and gruesome (some might say, grim), but when the brothers discovered that children were reading them, they softened them up a bit (the term “a bit” being relative, for in their version of Cinderella, called “Ashputtel,” the jealous stepsisters cut off their toes in an attempt to force their feet to fit the special shoe).
Wilhelm Carl Grimm
In recent years, there have been a spate of new children’s and young adult books (and a few television shows as well) that have used the Grimm canon and legacy as a springboard for various flights of fancy.
A Tale Dark & Grimm, by Adam Gidwitz, is an amazingly creative take on the tales that twists and turns, terrifies and tickles the fancy. With a Lemony Snicket-like narrator and the plucky Hansel and Gretel as protagonists, the story winds its way through a succession of other, more obscure tales — “The Three Golden Hairs,” “Faithful Johannes,” and “Brother and Sister” to name a few. In this re-imagining, Hansel and Gretel’s parents are not a poor woodcutter and his wife, but the King and Queen of Grimm. As always, parents do unspeakable things to their children. The twist? The brother and sister aren’t the abandoned; it is they who leave-- to find better parents. The magic is that as Hansel and Gretel become heroes by going out on this quest and by saving others, they also come to understand the source of their parents’ weakness’ and failings. High level? Yes -- this isn’t R.L. Stine’s cotton candy horror. But at the same time, “A Tale Dark & Grimm” is truly, laugh-out-loud funny, in the way of The Series of Unfortunate Events. How can you miss with an opening line like “Once upon a time, fairy tales were awesome.”
Michael Buckley brought out the first of The Sisters Grimm series in 2005, The Fairytale Detectives, and has been riding the fantasy wave ever since, with six additional novels spinning the tales of Sabrina and Daphne Grimm, sisters and the remaining descendants of the original Grimm Brothers. The premise here is that the fairytales were actually criminal case files, and all the characters are actually the residents (they prefer to be called “Everafters”) of a town in upstate New York called Ferryport Landing. Each book in the series presents a mystery or two for the girls to solve and they are intrepid sleuths who are bound and determined to get to the bottom of the most puzzling enigma: what happened to their parents? (Yes, another set of orphans; well, semi-orphans, they discover they have a long-lost grandma in the first book.)
The Grimm Legacy by Polly Shulman takes the premise that the magical objects in fairytales are real-- and that they actually have magical properties. Eight grader Elizabeth gets a job as a page at the New York Circulating Material Repository, which is like a library for objects, all types of objects: the obscure and the most-common, those of historic importance and those with contemporary ties. And then there are those magical objects, the secret ones, tucked away in the basement. That’s where she encounters the Grimm Collection, a room of magical items straight from the Grimm Brother's fairy tales. And that’s where the mystery starts: the magic mirrors, golden slippers, seven-league boots and other items are starting to disappear. Someone is replacing them with ordinary, nonmagical substitutes. And before she knows it, she and her fellow pages - perfect Anjali, hunky Marc, and snarky Aaron - are suddenly pulled into a semi-kooky, semi-dangerous adventure.
I wish you much Grimm reading...enjoy! And remember, you can always go back to the originals... there's a reason they are inspiring so many re-imaginings...they are truly timeless tales.
I wish you much Grimm reading...enjoy! And remember, you can always go back to the originals... there's a reason they are inspiring so many re-imaginings...they are truly timeless tales.
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Why did the librarian slip on the library floor?
It was the non-friction section.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"
Announcing the New Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge Device, Otherwise Known as the BOOK!
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere--even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The book may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session--even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, an many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus...
Thank you to IFLANET for borrowing privileges!
It was the non-friction section.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"
Announcing the New Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge Device, Otherwise Known as the BOOK!
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere--even sitting in an armchair by the fire--yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The book may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward and backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session--even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, an many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus...
Thank you to IFLANET for borrowing privileges!
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When did our dreams shrink? When did we go from asking the wild blue yonder questions, from imagining all the possibilities when John Glenn orbited the Earth for the first time... to being excited over an iPad app like STAR WALK. "This is great for making friends' jaws drop as you show off your iPad: simply point the device at the night-time sky, and it identifies stars, constellations and satellites. A real showcase for augmented reality technology." WHOOP-DE-DO. Time was, even after John Glenn's historic soar into space, that people knew the constellations from memory...
The right stuff... John Glenn and the Mercury Seven ...the small stuff...with hopes that it may spark students' interest to do real science.
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Unrequited love...it's been fodder for novelists and songwriters ever since our ancestors sat around the fire, entertaining themselves with stories and music. So it's only appropriate to highlight some of the best of this genre on this most special day...
I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab for Cutie
Creepy, stalkerish, but oh, the beautiful clarity of the lyrics:
"How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.
It's like a book elegantly bound but, in a language that you can't read.
Just yet."
I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab for Cutie
Creepy, stalkerish, but oh, the beautiful clarity of the lyrics:
"How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.
It's like a book elegantly bound but, in a language that you can't read.
Just yet."
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Friends and particularly fellow author Wilkie Collins pressured Dickens into rewriting the end of this novel so that Pip and Estella could be united, but the original seems more suited to the tone and arc of the story. What a tale of scorned love. Pip spends the entire novel infatuated with a cold-hearted beauty who never returns his affection. Meanwhile, loyal Biddy loves him truly, until she finally gives up and settles for Joe Gargery instead.
Friends and particularly fellow author Wilkie Collins pressured Dickens into rewriting the end of this novel so that Pip and Estella could be united, but the original seems more suited to the tone and arc of the story. What a tale of scorned love. Pip spends the entire novel infatuated with a cold-hearted beauty who never returns his affection. Meanwhile, loyal Biddy loves him truly, until she finally gives up and settles for Joe Gargery instead.
I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick
The title says it all. This guy will shine his shoes and put on a new shirt if you’ll only pay him some attention and say those three little words.
The title says it all. This guy will shine his shoes and put on a new shirt if you’ll only pay him some attention and say those three little words.
Notre-Dame de Paris (The Hunchback of Notre-Dame) by Victor Hugo
Poor Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer, loves the gypsy girl, Esmeralda, who seems to be the only Parisian who has ever shown him any kindness. But, alas, she doesn't "love" him "that way." When she is hanged as a thief, Quasimodo kills the priest who betrayed her and then lies with her corpse until he dies of starvation. All that and gargoyles, too!
Poor Quasimodo, the deformed bell-ringer, loves the gypsy girl, Esmeralda, who seems to be the only Parisian who has ever shown him any kindness. But, alas, she doesn't "love" him "that way." When she is hanged as a thief, Quasimodo kills the priest who betrayed her and then lies with her corpse until he dies of starvation. All that and gargoyles, too!
You Don't Know Me - Ray Charles
A classic from a musical legend, about loving someone who sees you as just a friend.
A classic from a musical legend, about loving someone who sees you as just a friend.
Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmund Rostand
The noble Cyrano is a brave soldier, as well as a poet, a gentleman oh so talented in many way, one of those Renaissance men. He is head-over-heels in love with Roxane (not that one). She also happens to be his cousin. That's always a problem (LOL). He is also weighted down by that enormous nose. Being a brilliant writer, he selflessly agrees to write love letters on behalf of handsome but totally inarticulate Christian, who can't put three subtle words together to woo his crush, the same Roxane (not that one). Christian is slain and Roxane gets herself to a nunnery. It is only years later, as Cyrano bites the big one himself (not his nose), that she comes to realize it was he who wooed her so eloquently.
The noble Cyrano is a brave soldier, as well as a poet, a gentleman oh so talented in many way, one of those Renaissance men. He is head-over-heels in love with Roxane (not that one). She also happens to be his cousin. That's always a problem (LOL). He is also weighted down by that enormous nose. Being a brilliant writer, he selflessly agrees to write love letters on behalf of handsome but totally inarticulate Christian, who can't put three subtle words together to woo his crush, the same Roxane (not that one). Christian is slain and Roxane gets herself to a nunnery. It is only years later, as Cyrano bites the big one himself (not his nose), that she comes to realize it was he who wooed her so eloquently.
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Boy meets girl is given a trailer-trash twist here because Cathy and Heathcliffe are brought up as siblings (okay, adopted siblings, but still). Their passion is as tempestuous as the stormy Yorkshire moor setting, and there are definitely more than a few indications that Heathcliff is more of a disturbed sociopath than your typical romantic hero. I mean, here is a man with a taste for murdering small animals and kidnapping potential partners.
Boy meets girl is given a trailer-trash twist here because Cathy and Heathcliffe are brought up as siblings (okay, adopted siblings, but still). Their passion is as tempestuous as the stormy Yorkshire moor setting, and there are definitely more than a few indications that Heathcliff is more of a disturbed sociopath than your typical romantic hero. I mean, here is a man with a taste for murdering small animals and kidnapping potential partners.
F* You by Cee-lo Green
Admit it, we’ve all wanted to say the things that Cee-lo sings. A succint kiss-off to someone you never had a chance with. One for the ages. For those sensitive souls, I have posted the "clean" version. And I was too lazy to log in to YouTube to get the hardcore one.
Admit it, we’ve all wanted to say the things that Cee-lo sings. A succint kiss-off to someone you never had a chance with. One for the ages. For those sensitive souls, I have posted the "clean" version. And I was too lazy to log in to YouTube to get the hardcore one.
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Why is one so often conjoined with the other?
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Well, we all have embarrassing moments in our lives... if you are an aging superstar, it may be the fact that you find yourself headlining the half-time show at the SuperBowl... a gig that was once filled by Up With People... if you are a B-list celebrity/actress (celebractress?), it's probably a suspiciously leaked "sex tape"... and then, there are librarians....you've heard of food porn, well, book porn is right up there...
To see it in its full glory, download it (Windows Media File)... for a quickie view, without the effects, you can use the viewer.
To see it in its full glory, download it (Windows Media File)... for a quickie view, without the effects, you can use the viewer.
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Just had to share...for librarians, fans of libraries, and fans of Ryan Gosling. I'd like to see some with George Clooney, too! So check out: Librarian hey girl!
courtesy of Librarian Hey Girl
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If Backwards Day made me think of opening lines, perhaps I need psychoanalysis, because Groundhog Day made me think of closing lines... the greatest of all, IMHO...
1. So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the
past. –F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1925)
2. He loved Big Brother. –George Orwell, 1984(1949)
3. ‘It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far
better rest that I go to than I have ever known.’ –Charles Dickens, A Tale of
Two Cities (1859)
4. I lingered round them, under that benign sky; watched the moths
fluttering among the heath, and hare-bells; listened to the soft wind breathing
through the grass; and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.–Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
(1847)
5. Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep,
through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and
how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes
bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
Wonderland of long ago; and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows,
and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life,
and the happy summer days. –Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865)
6. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One! –Charles Dickens,
A Christmas Carol (1843)
7. “All that is very well,” answered Candide, “but let us cultivate our
garden.” –Voltaire, Candide (1759)
8. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that
enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always
be playing. –A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner (1928)
9. From here on in I rag nobody. –Mark Harris, Bang the Drum Slowly
(1956)
10. “Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is
another day.” –Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind (1936)
1. So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the
past. –F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1925)
2. He loved Big Brother. –George Orwell, 1984(1949)
3. ‘It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far
better rest that I go to than I have ever known.’ –Charles Dickens, A Tale of
Two Cities (1859)
4. I lingered round them, under that benign sky; watched the moths
fluttering among the heath, and hare-bells; listened to the soft wind breathing
through the grass; and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.–Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
(1847)
5. Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep,
through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and
how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes
bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of
Wonderland of long ago; and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows,
and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life,
and the happy summer days. –Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865)
6. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One! –Charles Dickens,
A Christmas Carol (1843)
7. “All that is very well,” answered Candide, “but let us cultivate our
garden.” –Voltaire, Candide (1759)
8. But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that
enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always
be playing. –A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner (1928)
9. From here on in I rag nobody. –Mark Harris, Bang the Drum Slowly
(1956)
10. “Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is
another day.” –Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind (1936)
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Don't ask me why "Backwards Day," (January 31st on my librarian's desk calendar), should make me think about the opening lines of novels, but it does. Call me Contrary...ha ha.
Anyway, some of my favorite opening lines -- the ones that made me really want to continue reading:
1. "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."-- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1876)
2. "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
—George Orwell, 1984 (1949)
3. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a
good fortune, must be in want of a wife." —Jane Austen, Pride and
Prejudice (1813)
4. "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board." —Zora Neale Hurston,
Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937)
5. "It was a pleasure to burn." —Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
6. "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person." —Anne Tyler, Back When We Were Grownups (2001)
7. "Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come
to learn, is women." —Charles Johnson, Middle Passage (1990)
8. "I have been accused of being anal retentive, an over-achiever, and a compulsive perfectionist, like those are bad things."-- Lisa Yee, Millicent Min, Girl Genius (2003)
9. "If your teacher has to die, August isn't a bad time of year for it."-- Richard
Peck, The Teacher's Funeral (2004)
10. "If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."-- Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning - A Series of Unfortunate Events (1999)
Anyway, some of my favorite opening lines -- the ones that made me really want to continue reading:
1. "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."-- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1876)
2. "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
—George Orwell, 1984 (1949)
3. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a
good fortune, must be in want of a wife." —Jane Austen, Pride and
Prejudice (1813)
4. "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board." —Zora Neale Hurston,
Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937)
5. "It was a pleasure to burn." —Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
6. "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person." —Anne Tyler, Back When We Were Grownups (2001)
7. "Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come
to learn, is women." —Charles Johnson, Middle Passage (1990)
8. "I have been accused of being anal retentive, an over-achiever, and a compulsive perfectionist, like those are bad things."-- Lisa Yee, Millicent Min, Girl Genius (2003)
9. "If your teacher has to die, August isn't a bad time of year for it."-- Richard
Peck, The Teacher's Funeral (2004)
10. "If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."-- Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning - A Series of Unfortunate Events (1999)