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With two recent movies spawned by the Snow White fairy tale (for those living in a cave: Mirror, Mirror with Julia Roberts and Snow White and the Huntsman with Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron, not to mention hunk-o-the-month Chris Hemsworth), we do indeed seem to be living in a "who's the fairest of them all" era. For those of us who lack magic talking mirrors, there's an app that's ready to help us answer that timeless question. Or at least figure out how ugly we are.
The Ugly Meter is advertised thusly on iTunes: "Do you ever wonder if you're ugly and your friends just don't tell you? Do you have an ugly friend, and you just don't know how to tell them?
The Ugly Meter takes your photo and scans the details of your face to give you a rating of 1-10 on the Ugly Scale. If you rate a 10, you probably have a face that only a mother could love. Depending on how bad your rating is, the Ugly Meter will comment on your looks!"
The Ugly Meter takes your photo and scans the details of your face to give you a rating of 1-10 on the Ugly Scale. If you rate a 10, you probably have a face that only a mother could love. Depending on how bad your rating is, the Ugly Meter will comment on your looks!"
You snap a picture of you (or your victim). The app scans the photo and evaluates it based on things such as facial symmetry, proportions and shape. It then spits out a score from 10 to 0. Unlike the Dudley Moore/Bo Derek movie romp, in this case, a 10 signifies the ugliest and a zero means you're hot. Then, depending on your score, it will insult you with a clever put-down, such as "any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental." All this for 99 cents! Or $4.99 for the PRO upgrade, where the scale goes to 100. (Why not 11?!?!?)
Beauty smackdown via the Ugly Meter: some anonymous user versus Angelina Jolie
Of course, the Ugly Meter is a complete joke. A user can submit the same photo half a dozen times and receive different results every time. And the app creators, the Dapper Gentlemen, go so far as to poke fun at all the press they have received about this app, including featured stories on CBS and MSNBC, the Today Show, the Tonight Show, the Huffington Post, the Daily Mail and Howard Stern, many of whom don't seem to get the joke.
But maybe the problem is that our whole social milieu has become an Ugly Meter. Back in 1999, there was the attractiveness rating website called Rate My Face, which then was superseded by Hot or Not, which was apparently an inspiration for Mark Zuckerberg's first foray into social media creation, Facemash, which used hacked images of his Harvard classmates' ID photos to create a "who's the fairest of them all" smackdown. The next-gen spawn, Facebook, allows us do that in a "kinder, gentler" fashion as we scroll through all those photos of fabulous vacations and remodeled kitchens and pretty babies and that "friend" who always posts a shot of herself posing with her leg jutting forward in classic model style, as if looking for affirmation that she's still hot after all these years.
It's all about the ranking and the rating... from reality television shows that are competitions in which the audience votes to eliminate the "less fair" (singer, dancer, etc., etc.) to best seller lists and box office returns and the ceaseless political polls.
When did we forget how to judge for ourselves?
Hey, just look in the mirror...
It's all about the ranking and the rating... from reality television shows that are competitions in which the audience votes to eliminate the "less fair" (singer, dancer, etc., etc.) to best seller lists and box office returns and the ceaseless political polls.
When did we forget how to judge for ourselves?
Hey, just look in the mirror...
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Here in the Chicago area, we are sweltering through a third day in a row of extreme heat (100+ degrees) and many homes in my community were without power for most of the week due to a powerful storm that barreled through last Sunday. All over the state of Illinois and the Midwest, it's been hot, hot, hot. How hot, you ask? Well, a hot librarian knows where to go for answers to all sorts of questions, including those about the weather!
How how is it?
Hotter than a honeymoon hotel...
Hotter than a stolen tamale...
Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa --Texas, that is...
(Thanks for my friends at Texas Monthly for those!)
Hotter than a honeymoon hotel...
Hotter than a stolen tamale...
Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa --Texas, that is...
(Thanks for my friends at Texas Monthly for those!)
How hot is it?
It's so hot that I have found out (the hard way) that my seat belt buckle could be used as a branding iron.
It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.
(Courtesy: www.yooohaaa.com)
It's so hot that I have found out (the hard way) that my seat belt buckle could be used as a branding iron.
It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.
(Courtesy: www.yooohaaa.com)
How hot is it?
Hotter than the backlog o' hell...
Hotter than hell with the blower on...
Hotter'n a burnt boot...
All from Cowboy Lingo: A Dictionary of the Slack-Jaw Words and Whangdoodle Ways of the American West by Ramon F. Adams (Houghton Mifflin, New York, 2000)
Hotter than the backlog o' hell...
Hotter than hell with the blower on...
Hotter'n a burnt boot...
All from Cowboy Lingo: A Dictionary of the Slack-Jaw Words and Whangdoodle Ways of the American West by Ramon F. Adams (Houghton Mifflin, New York, 2000)
How hot is it?
Hotter than a two-dollar pistol - Very hot, an allusion to cheap 19th-century pistols that got hot when fired.
Hotter than Methodist hell - About as hot as it can get; an expression used chiefly in Maine.
Hotter'n a skunk - 1. Very drunk. 2. Very hot weather or anything hot.
Hotter'n love in hayin' time - Extremely hot.
All from: Facts on File Dictionary of American Regionalisms: Local Expressions from Coast to Coast by Robert Hendrickson (Facts on File, New York, 2000)
Hotter than a two-dollar pistol - Very hot, an allusion to cheap 19th-century pistols that got hot when fired.
Hotter than Methodist hell - About as hot as it can get; an expression used chiefly in Maine.
Hotter'n a skunk - 1. Very drunk. 2. Very hot weather or anything hot.
Hotter'n love in hayin' time - Extremely hot.
All from: Facts on File Dictionary of American Regionalisms: Local Expressions from Coast to Coast by Robert Hendrickson (Facts on File, New York, 2000)
How hot is it?
Hotter than an iPad 3 after a couple minutes use...
Hotter than a steel playground slide at noon...
Hotter than a habañero orbiting the sun...
Hotter than an iPad 3 after a couple minutes use...
Hotter than a steel playground slide at noon...
Hotter than a habañero orbiting the sun...
How hot is it?
Hotter than a Times-Square Rolex...
Hotter than a brazen hussy in church...
Hotter than blue blazes...
Hotter than a Times-Square Rolex...
Hotter than a brazen hussy in church...
Hotter than blue blazes...
This actually makes sense from a scientific point of view since the hotter the source of light, the shorter its wavelength, and blue light has the shortest wavelength of the visible spectrum. Well, officially it is called violet, but physicists generally refer to the end of the spectrum that includes violet as the blue end and this is due to how our eyes see color. We have three kinds of color sensing cells, called cones, in our eyes. These cones sense red, green, and blue light. So every color we perceive is some combination of red, green, and blue. That includes yellow, believe it or not. So physicists just talk about those three colors. Maybe they never had the 64-pack of Crayola Crayons to color with as children! But I digress... So hotter than red hot, even hotter than white hot, is blue hot. (Or, for purists, violet hot.)
(Thanks to Amazing Space from the Space Telescope Science Institute's Office of Public Outreach.)
(Thanks to Amazing Space from the Space Telescope Science Institute's Office of Public Outreach.)
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Since the 4th of July parade and fireworks were cancelled in my town in the wake of a powerful storm that rolled through last Sunday, causing major damage, Intern Bruce threw together a presentation to cheer me up! (Who knew the librarian's Action Hero would have a flair for Powerpoint?)
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Coming soon: a brave new world where books are conceived, written, edited and marketed by data analysis! You'll get the books you want... and deserve. Check out this article from the Wall Street Journal: Your E-book is Reading You
And you thought you were hiding the fact that you were reading "50 Shades of Grey" by downloading on your Kindle!
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Well, this is nowhere near as clever as the Librarians do Lady Gaga parody (which you can view here in the Lady Gaga category), but it is timely. I am not sure why they selected Curious George (a male monkey) over, say, Bemelmans' Madeline (who was a bit of a girl gone wild in a much more sedate and chaste era), but maybe that was the only Big Book they had on hand at the ALA Conference.
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I love it! Parents who realize that a part-time librarian just can't do justice to a school's library program: Arlington Hts. Greenbrier School parents fight to keep librarian
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We last posted about the Hayward Gallery's (London) latest exhibit, "Invisible: Art About the Unseen." Well, we found some more examples, including one called The Museum of Non-Visible Art perpetrated by our erstwhile intern, James Franco. For shame, Jimmie!
And then there is the music which is not be to played by avant-garde composer, John Cage. Entitled 4'33" (Four minutes and 33 seconds), it requires the musician(s) playing any instrument(s) to NOT play for the entire duration of the piece, so we have four minutes and 33 seconds of SILENCE. Grab your favorite alcoholic (or non-alcoholic) beverage and settle back in your favorite chair for this amazing work of art:
And then there is the music which is not be to played by avant-garde composer, John Cage. Entitled 4'33" (Four minutes and 33 seconds), it requires the musician(s) playing any instrument(s) to NOT play for the entire duration of the piece, so we have four minutes and 33 seconds of SILENCE. Grab your favorite alcoholic (or non-alcoholic) beverage and settle back in your favorite chair for this amazing work of art:
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Once there was, and once there was not, an art museum in London. It was called the Hayward Gallery and it was part of a humungous arts center (or "centre" as they spell it across the pond) that included venues for music, theatre and dance performances, as well as a fabulous library just for poetry of all kinds. It sprawled on the south bank of the River Thames (hence its name "Southbank Centre"), stretching all the way from Waterloo Bridge (made famous by a Vivien Leigh movie and a Kinks song) to the London Eye (a gigantic Ferris Wheel). It was quite the place for Art with a capital "A."
Now the Hayward Galley was an ugly building on the outside, fortress-like, with a facade of massive, jutting concrete blocks. This was called "Brutalist" architecture and was apparently all the rage starting in the 1950's and running through the mid-'70's, and it did in fact remind an observer of the Cold War, totalitarianism and Soviet Union-era apartment blocks. But I digress. Anyway, the Hayward did not house any permanent art collections. Instead, it hosted three or four temporary exhibitions each year. Millions of art lovers passed through its chrome and glass doors to view historic works by Leonardo DaVinci, Edvard Munch and the French Impressionists, as well as modern and contemporary art by Pop artist Roy Lichtenstein (the cartoon-dot guy) and sculptor Antony Gormley.
Gormley's "Angel of the North" and Lichtenstein's "Drowning Girl" (courtesy Creative Commons images)
The curators of the Hayward were tossing ideas around for a new exhibition one winter's day when a horrendous blizzard struck the heart of London, the worst in a century, rendering the known world invisible in a cloak of blinding white. The curators stared out the windows into... a white void... and suddenly it dawned on them in a moment of simultaneous ideaism.
"Ah hah! By Jove! That's the ticket!" they shouted (or whatever Brits exclaim when the lightbulb goes on above their heads). "Invisible art! Come on, let's put on a show!"
So they set out to scour the world for 50 works of art that no one could see. Surprisingly, their quest proved not too hard to achieve, because over the past 70 years, painters and sculptors and other "artistes" had apparently been making lots of invisible art!
"Ah hah! By Jove! That's the ticket!" they shouted (or whatever Brits exclaim when the lightbulb goes on above their heads). "Invisible art! Come on, let's put on a show!"
So they set out to scour the world for 50 works of art that no one could see. Surprisingly, their quest proved not too hard to achieve, because over the past 70 years, painters and sculptors and other "artistes" had apparently been making lots of invisible art!
They scooped up a sculpture by American artist Andy Warhol that he did not create and exhibit at the New York nightclub, Area, in May of 1985. The art consisted of an empty pedestal with a label: "Andy Warhol, USA/Invisible Sculpture/Mixed Media, 1985." He hung around it for awhile, posing awkwardly, then walked away.
Brilliant!!
Next, they wrangled a Claes Oldenburg piece titled "Proposed Underground Memorial and Tomb for President John F. Kennedy" that was not constructed in 1965. It would have been a hollow bronze casting the size of the Statue of Liberty, buried upside down. Through an opening "about the size of a golf ball," a spectator could have viewed the interior by kneeling or lying down, eyeball to the hole.
Extraordinary!!
Brilliant!!
Next, they wrangled a Claes Oldenburg piece titled "Proposed Underground Memorial and Tomb for President John F. Kennedy" that was not constructed in 1965. It would have been a hollow bronze casting the size of the Statue of Liberty, buried upside down. Through an opening "about the size of a golf ball," a spectator could have viewed the interior by kneeling or lying down, eyeball to the hole.
Extraordinary!!
The curators took the Chunnel over to France to take a gander at the non-works of French artist provocateur Yves Klein, who stunned the Parisian art world in 1958 with a show that consisted of an entirely empty gallery (yes, blank white walls) which he insisted were filled to the brim with an invisible "blue sensibility." Klein also proposed "Air Architecture," an immaterial architecture made of the elements of nature, such as air, fire and water. For example, if you lived in a cooler Northern climate, you would have a wall of fire. In the hot South, your walls would be of refreshing water. (Who knows what would happen in a drought!) Anyway, you get the picture and are probably asking yourself: "What was he smoking?"
I'm guessing it wasn't just Gitanes.
I'm guessing it wasn't just Gitanes.
From the sketchbook: walls of feu and eau
Moving on to Copenhagen, they made a particularly intriguing find: the "Invisible Labyrinth" by Danish artist Jeppe Hein.
"Just look at this," one said. "Our visitors will wear digital headphones that vibrate whenever they knock into one of the invisible walls of the maze!"
"Oh, won't it be hysterical?" replied the other. "Watching them make complete and utter fools of themselves traipsing around an empty room, bumping into things that aren't there?!"
Smashing!!
"Just look at this," one said. "Our visitors will wear digital headphones that vibrate whenever they knock into one of the invisible walls of the maze!"
"Oh, won't it be hysterical?" replied the other. "Watching them make complete and utter fools of themselves traipsing around an empty room, bumping into things that aren't there?!"
Smashing!!
Walking the labyrinth that wasn't there...
They came upon an artist named Tom Friedman who specialized in invisible art and fell in love with a work he claimed took five years to create. It was a blank sheet of paper (not even canvas), 32 1/2 by 32 1/2 inches square, entitled "1,000 Hours of Staring, 1992-97."
"It's exquisite! But what media did you use?" they asked.
"Stare on paper," he replied.
"It's exquisite! But what media did you use?" they asked.
"Stare on paper," he replied.
They traveled the continents until they had gathered 49 pieces to exhibit. They were exhausted by their efforts.
"Let's go home," said one. "49 pieces of invisible art are enough."
"Wait! I've found the 50th!" shouted the other. "We can't possibly not include this one. It's a photo of the artist showing a blank canvas to a white horse."
"Oh, now that is either deep..."
"Or a pile of horsesh--t!"
They were truly ROFLMFAO by now. They chortled and guffawed as they hauled all the invisible art back to the gallery and hung it on the walls and arranged it on white pedestals and plinths. They tediously printed all the exhibit labels in a SERIOUS font and attached them neatly next to the works. They labored over a fine catalog to accompany the exhibit, printed on luxurious, real paper that you could actually see, touch and smell.
At long last, they proclaimed to the world that their exhibit was open. And people came from far and wide to pay real money to oooh and aaah over the empty galleries, blank canvases and barren sculptural plinths.
"Let's go home," said one. "49 pieces of invisible art are enough."
"Wait! I've found the 50th!" shouted the other. "We can't possibly not include this one. It's a photo of the artist showing a blank canvas to a white horse."
"Oh, now that is either deep..."
"Or a pile of horsesh--t!"
They were truly ROFLMFAO by now. They chortled and guffawed as they hauled all the invisible art back to the gallery and hung it on the walls and arranged it on white pedestals and plinths. They tediously printed all the exhibit labels in a SERIOUS font and attached them neatly next to the works. They labored over a fine catalog to accompany the exhibit, printed on luxurious, real paper that you could actually see, touch and smell.
At long last, they proclaimed to the world that their exhibit was open. And people came from far and wide to pay real money to oooh and aaah over the empty galleries, blank canvases and barren sculptural plinths.
"Well, what do you think?"
"Hmm, I don't know. What do you think?"
"Let me just stare a minute whilst I ponder."
"Alright then, I'll stare as well."
Time passed.
"Well?"
"Could be an incredibly prescient exploration of the power of the imagination."
"Could be the apotheosis of conceptual art nonsense."
"WTF?"
"A big joke."
The small child ran from room to room, searching for something to see. He tugged at his mother's stylish black tunic. His voice was a rather loud whine, an assault to the ears in the hushed gallery.
"But Mummie, you said we were going to see some art. And there is nothing here!"
"Hmm, I don't know. What do you think?"
"Let me just stare a minute whilst I ponder."
"Alright then, I'll stare as well."
Time passed.
"Well?"
"Could be an incredibly prescient exploration of the power of the imagination."
"Could be the apotheosis of conceptual art nonsense."
"WTF?"
"A big joke."
The small child ran from room to room, searching for something to see. He tugged at his mother's stylish black tunic. His voice was a rather loud whine, an assault to the ears in the hushed gallery.
"But Mummie, you said we were going to see some art. And there is nothing here!"
Tom Friedman: 1000 Hours of Staring 1992-97 (courtesy MOMA)
It's no fairytale.
If you don't believe me, you can check it out at The Hayward Gallery: Invisible: Art About the Unseen 1957-2012.
It's all a bit too much for me. Call me a material girl, but I like my art to be, well, material.
If you don't believe me, you can check it out at The Hayward Gallery: Invisible: Art About the Unseen 1957-2012.
It's all a bit too much for me. Call me a material girl, but I like my art to be, well, material.
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A discovery by Intern George, who knows his way around a decent tune.
"Thinking of recording a cover of this myself, but in the meantime, add this to your summer playlist! I understand they'll be playing at Lollapalooza in your corner of the world come August. The band Walk Off the Earth, that is. Have no idea about the wankers in blue!"
"Thinking of recording a cover of this myself, but in the meantime, add this to your summer playlist! I understand they'll be playing at Lollapalooza in your corner of the world come August. The band Walk Off the Earth, that is. Have no idea about the wankers in blue!"
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(I love alliteration, don't you?!)
And I love this beyond-clever, wish I'd thought of that, and if I am ever in this situation I will steal the idea campaign to save a library! Adventures in Reverse Psychology, indeed!
And I love this beyond-clever, wish I'd thought of that, and if I am ever in this situation I will steal the idea campaign to save a library! Adventures in Reverse Psychology, indeed!