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Really? Russia? As if there weren't enough problems in here in the homeland to kick some a** over! Disclaimer: I haven't actually seen the latest installment in the Die Hard series, "A Good Day to Die Hard." Readers of this blog will, of course, understand Bruce Willis'/John McClane's status in the pantheon of librarians. He is the librarian's action hero. Given the preponderance of negative reviews, I will wait for the flick's appearance on Xfinity On Demand. However, my lack of first-hand knowledge won't stop me from weighing in on how the mighty have fallen...  Oh Bruce --- and to think you neglected your intern duties last summer for this... swill. This is absolutely no way to end the franchise - bored and boring in Moscow. And so I propose a sixth installment, to redeem the series and go out on a high note, "Yippee Ki-Yay!" as only John McClane/Bruce Willis would, if properly advised by his agent.
As Soren Anderson of the Seattle Times put it: It's "A Good Day to Die Hard," aka "We've Got No Story To Speak Of But We Do Have an Infinite Special Effects Budget and We're Not Afraid To Spend It." Stay Tuned for Part II: The Pitch - "Die Hard(cover)"
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Did they get the joke or were they just clueless? You decide. Recent novel pitch to a literary agent: Horizontal in the Dark: This novel tells the story of the disintegration of a Los Angeles family, the Morgenthalers. Richard Morgenthaler is an alcoholic lawyer in his early 50s who once had political ambitions. His wife, Jennifer, is the daughter of wealth. They have two daughters: Ashley, who is mentally-impaired and disabled, and Britney, beautiful and intelligent and doomed. Ashley is Jennifer's favorite; Richard forgets she even exists. Britney is the target of Jennifer's powerful loathing and Richard's overbearing affection ... if it can be called that. Richard and Jennifer have an awful marriage, marked by recriminations, bitterness and fear. For a time, Richard finds solace in his mistress, Tracie Hatchett. Hounding them all is a foreboding sense of godlessness. The immediate setting is Britney's funeral, after her suicide. But the conflicts between the narcissistic, alcoholic father and the emotionally disturbed mother, the hate between mother and daughter, and the near incestuous love of the father for Britney - all contributors to the characters' disillusionment and the suicide itself - are unfolded in flashbacks. Though the story is told in third person, the final section is an intense monologue recited by Britney before she flings herself off a cliff on the Palos Verdes peninsula. Agent's reply: Dear Author, Thank you for contacting ******* about representation. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you representation at this time. Due to the large number of submissions ******* receives, ***** is forced to be extremely selective when considering new clients. After reflection, we don’t feel that this is a perfect fit for **********’s list. Publishing is very subjective, however, and another agent may well feel differently. I sincerely apologize for the impersonal nature of this reply—we receive hundreds of submissions a month. Thank you again for thinking of *************. We wish you all the best of luck in the future. Reality? The pitch was the plot summary for William Styron's debut novel, Lie Down in Darkness, which was critically acclaimed when it was published in 1951 and won the Prix de Rome from the American Academy in Rome, a prestigious literary award. Guess it wouldn't get published today. 
Critically acclaimed? Maybe... but just not right for my "list" today.
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