Santa tucked Star Wars: The Complete Saga on Blu-Ray under the Christmas tree this season and I have spent recent evenings watching the contents in the original order of release. (It just seemed the appropriate thing to do.) So when this entertaining list came over the transom recently, I found myself chortling convulsively in the library. If I was the shushing kind of librarian, I might have had to shush myself. As it was, the children passing through on their way to lunch just nodded knowingly to each other: there goes Ms. Z, laughing again. Anyway, I challenge you to keep a straight face, even if you are not a big Star Wars fan.
George Lucas, the maker, as C-3PO would say, is a great storyteller and film maker, but he also has a reputation for writing dialogue that's just cringe-worthy, especially in the last three Star Wars epics (that would be I, II, and III). So here are 25 lines from Star Wars that can be improved by substituting the word "pants."
1) A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2) You are unwise to lower your pants.
3) I find your lack of pants disturbing.
4) She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander.
5) These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
6) Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
7) Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
8) Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
9) Yeah, well, short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
10) You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.
11) Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
12) Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
13) Governor Tarkin, I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
14) You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.
15) I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
16) We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
17) Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
18) That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
19) Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants. I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
20) These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
21) TK-421... why aren't you in your pants?
22) General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
23) I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
24) Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!
25) Luke... help me take... these pants off.
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